Who Am I Online?

Sometimes I feel weary of hiding.

When I make social media posts, I am always cognizant of who will read it.  What will readers think?  Will they be offended?  Will they still like me if they post it?  I want people to like me.

What do I do to stay safe?  I don't always say what's on my mind.  I have come up with blog post topics that I would never dare publish.  I have hidden my opinions behind metaphors.  I have specific lists of friends who can only see certain Facebook posts.

When you see me online what do you see?

The girl who is obsessed with food?

The horse girl?

The theater girl?

The smart aleck?

Maybe you don't want to see:

The feminist.

The secularist who wishes you well, and will help you in any way she can, but will not pray for you.

The patriot who believes that the tide of progress can not, and should not be stopped, who believes that one should understand the line between patriotism and jingoism, who believes the government and the American people need empathy more than they need religion, and who believes diversity is the true strength of this country.

What is my fear of what will happen if I show everyone every aspect of myself?

Why do I fear rejection so much?

I am not just one of these traits above.  I am all of them.  All of these parts of my personality, my belief system, my values, are part of a larger whole that makes up Rachel.  If you want to be friends with me, you shouldn't pick and choose what you want to be friends with.  I want you to want to be friends with all of me.

I accept the people in my life in their entirety.  We can't love everything about every person we know.  Have I ever stopped caring about someone just because I didn't like what was on his or her Facebook timeline, or Instagram and Twitter feeds, or posted in a blog?

Why am I so afraid others will treat me this way?

More importantly, why would I want to be friends with someone who can't be friends with all of me?

Tomorrow will I post something you don't want to see?  What do you want to see when you see me?


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